


Ruffled Feathers and Broken Nests

by Merfilly



Category: Birds of Prey (Comic)
Genre: F/F, Moving On, Past Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-22
Updated: 2014-03-22
Packaged: 2018-01-16 13:05:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1348519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Merfilly/pseuds/Merfilly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As the world moves on with a new fledgling League, the Birds try to adapt to what they have now.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ruffled Feathers and Broken Nests

**Author's Note:**

> This was a series of ten ficlets, written to a Hurt/Comfort table, now all in one fic.

Dinah paced though the hall, waiting, knowing she should just go in, let Hel…let Babs…both of them know she had come.

Guilt came easier than strength, some days.

Helena was in the room, hooked up to I.V.s and machines monitoring her, because Barbara had sent her to lead a mission more in Dinah's range of abilities.

Because Dinah had left. 

She took three steps toward the door, almost in reach of knocking on it.

Images of the final meetings, telling Barbara, asking Helena to take care of her flashed through her mind.

With a quiet sigh, the guilt won, and she turned to leave.

"Dinah."

It's Barbara's voice, and it makes the blonde stop, right where she is. A slow turn brings her around to see the redhead framed by the hospital door. The door to where Helena is lying in a hospital bed, hooked up to monitors and machines.

"Barbara."

"Why are you leaving? Why did you even come, if you can't make yourself come through this door?"

There it is; the famous bluntness, bat-instilled, and loneliness-trained. Dinah has to look down from the eyes blazing at her. 

"I thought…I wanted to see how she was doing."

"But you stayed in the hallway." Those green eyes accuse so many things to Dinah's guilt-ridden mind.

"Yes…I was leaving."

"You're good at that."

The barb cuts the blonde who has gone toe to toe with Deathstroke and walked away from it. She makes herself raise her chin.

"I still care…"

"That's just not enough, Dinah." Barbara pulls back within the frame of the door. "Whatever you feel now, or felt then…it was never enough."

The door closes, and Dinah knows the bitter taste of regret all over again.

* * *

Barbara's eyes flashed open as Helena moved on the hospital bed. She rolled closer, and was thoroughly relieved when Helena took her hand.

"How…how long?"

"Two days since Zinda brought you home. You got lucky." Barbara's attempt to stay gruff failed, and she leaned her forehead to Helena's arm. "You're not a tank! You can't take that kind of punishment!"

"Barda wasn't there." Unspoken was the accusation that Dinah had not been either. For all her lack of invulnerability, the small blonde had known how to take and redirect the most grueling punishments.

"I've been sick with worry, Hel."

"Let it go, Babs…comes with our territory." The brunette turned to see the flowers by the bedside, and inhaled deeply at the arrangement of carnations. She did not have to see the card to know they were from Dinah.

Barbara followed her gaze and frowned. "She came…but would not face you."

Helena closed her eyes again, her chest throbbing to even think of why. It would be a long time before Dinah forgave herself, even though Helena attached no blame for this to her.

* * *

Barbara watched Helena moving with great care in the kitchen. She had only come home the day before, but apparently felt letting Barbara cook was tantamount to inviting a new hospital visit. 

So she said, and the old tease sounded right. Only the tension in her eyes betrayed to Barbara that Helena was still chewing over the aborted visit and flowers from Dinah. Some people pounded a bag or found new fights to cope; Helena cooked.

Barbara finally went and lost herself in being Oracle, until the dark haired fighter brought her a plate and a goblet of wine to match the good Italian dinner. Helena went back for her own food, and returned, somehow juggling the plate, a goblet, and the bottle of wine.

"Really think you have enough blood to soak that all up?" Barbara asked softly.

"I'm hoping not."

Those quiet words plunged them both into silence, with neither one able to address the elephant slowly taking up all the space between them.

So much easier to just drink it away.

* * *

Helena Bertinelli had lived on two emotions most of her life. The emotions of anger and grief had been her fuel through the hard years of surviving, of learning all Sal and Richard and Vic had been able to teach her during their parts of her life. She had realized quickly that something was missing, had searched for that missing ingredient in with other heroes and civilians that ranged from Night wing to the boy Josh, all without much success.

Then Dinah had stood up for her presence on the team, and despite an unwitting error in mentioning her time with Arsenal, had grown close.

Close enough to hurt her by choosing Shiva's way, by leaving them.

Helena had not wanted to really face that, had convinced herself that she had misread Dinah's intent all along. She had done her best by Barbara, ironing out that last uncomfortable part of their shared history with Nightwing.

She certainly never expected to step from her hurt feelings where Dinah was concerned into caring for the fiery redhead.

She thought now, the only problem was that neither she nor Barbara had coped at all with the loss of the vivacious vigilante that had trampled their trust and heart by leaving them both.

* * *

Helena was back on the streets, running the Birds, or so it had been passed to Dinah by Bruce. Oracle had merely canceled the leave Huntress had taken from reserve duty with the provisional League Chair Woman.

It had been one more reminder to Dinah that her leaving the Birds was a shade hypocritical in the long run. Yes, when she did it, she had wanted to focus on mothering Sin. But she had allowed Hal to sweet talk her into the League without a thought on how it would look to Oracle, to Huntress.

Both women thought she had run from them, and when Dinah was perfectly honest with herself...she had.

Maybe it had been the wrong thing to do in the aftermath of returning with a child, but she had seen the closeness between Helena and Barbara, had felt the hurt radiating off both of them for what she had done by going to Shiva, and decided she didn't deserve them. More, they deserved a chance to explore what was between them, without all the baggage Black Canary or Dinah Lance brought to the table.

Better for her to focus on Sin, to be alone, than ruin their chance of happiness.

* * *

She hadn't meant to intrude on her partner. Despite rumors to the contrary, Barbara was not really a voyeur into all the details of her operatives' lives. When she flicked on the camera to see if Helena was available, it was to avoid interrupting her if she was busy.

She didn't expect to see Dinah in the woman's apartment. She certainly hadn't expected to catch a moment of intimate care, as Dinah stood near the door, her hand along Helena's jaw, a look of care on her features.

Barbara was almost relieved she had not been able to see Helena returning that look, as her emotions flared in something she thought she'd beaten down. 

She truly hated the green monster that sat on her shoulder right now. Worse, Barbara could not really say which one was truly triggering the jealousy, as she missed the 'what-was' of Dinah, and worried for the 'what-is' that was her life with Helena as she turned off the camera.

* * *

"Don't cry."

"I don't know what to do."

"You move on. Just as you had been."

"How, when I think of you?"

"You love her, yes?"

"Yes, but..."

"It's better that way, Helena. She deserves the love you and she can share."

"I don't deserve you?"

A long hesitation was followed by wiping fresh tears from the Sicillian's cheeks. "No one deserves to have to have me in their life. You and Barbara are far better suited to one another, I promise you."

There really wasn't anything to say to that, let alone do, as Helena watched Dinah leave her.

* * *

As everyone prepared to leave, Barbara watched, discreetly, the way Helena and Dinah both acted. Yes, Dinah had championed her, just as all the other women and men Barbara had reached out to had. Kat would never be a threat to her again.

The woman who all but owned the Internet, however, could feel the cold hand of fear still on her, and it was bound up in those two women. Dinah seemed to be lingering, even though Barbara knew the League was still trying to fully assert itself as a force to be reckoned with. Helena was alternately trying to stay close to Barbara and trying not to be obvious about the wrecked nerves she had.

Barbara started to speak, once Zinda had shooed everyone else out and left the three women alone, but Dinah, always quicker with her mouth than any one had a right to be, spoke.

"If you ever need me...either of you..."

Helena turned her face away, pride still stinging from other rejections.

"We know where you are, Black Canary."

The costume name was all it took. Dinah left, sensing finality in this encounter.

Maybe that was what they all really needed, so they could move forward.

* * *

"Is it me or her?"

Barbara looked down at the face of her lover, feeling the tension that love making had done nothing to dissipate building to new highs.

"I love you, Helena. I thought we hashed that out while she was gone."

Helena's eyes darkened. "I thought so too. But I see the way you watch the JLA fights, how your eyes linger when she decides to be her idiot self."

"I could turn the question back on you, you know. I'm not blind to the fact you still care."

"I hurt," Helena corrected, settling more comfortably along Barbara's side. "She...how does she get in under my skin so deep and then just..."

"Leave?" Barbara closed her eyes, remembering lazy days when the alerts were running light and Dinah had brought over Thai for them to share. She thought about the abrupt end of all that with the return of Oliver Queen to Dinah's life, and then the awareness that Dinah was ignoring her in the aftermath of her split from the same.

She hadn't really known about Dinah and Helena until Dinah left, but it made sense. Dinah loved the dangerous ones. 

"Barbara..."

"No, Helena. It needs answered. And I think, when it all boils down to it, she refuses to let herself fall, because she's never not been hurt by the one she falls for."

Helena didn't like that answer, and raised up to stare down at Barbara. "So she hurts everyone that falls for her instead?"

"She's as messy in her love life as she's skilled in her professional one," Barbara offered.

"Someone needs to knock her over her head and make her see that."

"I'd pay for that knock-down, drag-out fight," Barbara chuckled. She then raised up enough to kiss Helena. "Help me put her behind us?"

Helena drew in a deep breath, and slowly released it.

Dinah had hurt them both, and it would not be easy to forget that, but they still had each other, and that was more than enough.


End file.
